The RAIN of Self-Compassion

A Mindfulness Exercise for Belonging

How often have you felt that somewhere, somehow you are perilously flawed? That no matter how much you work on yourself, you never work hard enough?

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent a lifetime trying to improve yourself. But at the root of much of that fuss lies self-judgement.

While we’ve survived a pandemic, another epidemic has plagued us for a much longer. It’s a belief of our personal deficiency.

Tara Brach calls this state of mind a trance. To wake up from that trance of self-deficiency, apply a basic mindfulness strategy—RAIN.

RAIN stands for: Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Nurture.

When your mind heats up with self-judgement, counteract it with the cool RAIN of self-compassion. Trust that you are loving. Trust that you are loved. Trust that you, despite the flaws (which btw, make you interesting), are fine just the way you are.

Recognize

what is going on?

Identify the thoughts. The feelings. The behaviours. Do you feel shame or fear? Weight in the physical body? An itch? A low mood? To avoid getting stuck in any feeling, or worse, any self-judgement for any feeling you have, just mindfully acknowledge what’s there.

Allow

the experience to be there, just as it is.

Do something radical. Allow any feeling or thought or internal experience to simply be there. That doesn’t mean you have to believe your thoughts or act on your feelings. It’s just saying: “It’s okay to have these thoughts and feelings.”

Investigate

with curiosity and kindness.

Continue to develop your awareness by getting curious. Rather than feed your thoughts and feelings a narrative or turn them into a story you get trapped in, direct your attention to the present moment.

Ask questions: What does my intuition ask me to give attention to in this moment? What does this vulnerable place ask of me? Again, practice non-judgement. Treat your feelings and thoughts just as you would those of a best friend or child who is seeking your help.

Nurture

with self-compassion.

Often when you pause and notice your own suffering non-judgementally, it gives way to your natural, spontaneous sense of care. Listen to your intuition. What does your intuition, your wise inner voice, have to say about your pain?

Then, continue to rest in the awareness of that space of compassion, which is always available to you.